Day 110 - Moving Out

By the time they had returned from the labyrinth - all of them wearing sneaky grins and masquerade dresses - the roommates found themselves nearly out of time. Their contract ended on the 13th of August. The golden summer of their youth was spent, and now it was time for the credits to roll. They might have wept if they weren't in such a rush.

Packing all of their things took the better part of two days. When they'd finally boxed up all of the Calvin and Hobbes books, the miscellaneous action figures, the plethora of plants, the posters of sexy men, the several weapons, the toaster, and their Weasley clock, it was time for more ceremonial matters: they assembled a time capsule.

A small, brown envelope was the chosen vessel for their memories. They enclosed their entire collection of quotes, doodles they'd compiled together, a photograph of Grosland's elderly suitor, and letters written to their future selves. They planned to open the capsule in two years - after Beth returned from her mission to OtherPlace - and celebrate all over again this wonderful summer they'd shared.

That night they huddled on the couch (in the newly sparse apartment) with a fine pile of junk food, wrapped some blankets around themselves, and watched Labyrinth together one last time.

Well, at least, it was the last time in that apartment.

*    *    *    *    *

They left on Saturday morning, after scrambling to finish cleaning out their apartment before the final cleaning check (which they passed handily). Grosland and Beth had moved most of their stuff back to their parents' houses, since they'd both be leaving the state soon - Grosland only had two weeks until she left for Russia, and Beth could be leaving anytime in the next six months for who-knows-where. But Erin was staying in the same apartment complex, so after their cleaning check was over the other two helped Erin move her stuff into the new place. Erin's new roommates were friendly and helpful, even if they did turn out to be Justin Bieber fans.

It didn't take very long to get all of Erin's stuff inside; when they were done, the three of them stood looking at each other in the parking lot. The air between them seemed thick with unsaid words.

Erin held out her arms, and they all hugged each other tightly. They knew that this wasn't the end of it; they'd already made plans for play-dates between their future children. But though this wasn't the end of their friendship - by far - it was the end of The Jareth Chronicles. As they held on to each other for one last moment, the curtain was already coming down on their summer and they knew it.

But before they walked away, to their separate homes this time, they put a final stamp on the whole thing with their customized, not-quite-secret handshake. Jessica Grosland, Erin Asay, and Beth Black stood formally in a triangle formation and held out their right arms. They slapped hands in the center, smacked their chests with their fists, then thumbed their noses at each other. After standing erect for a moment longer, each of them broke into a wide grin, and they all started to laugh.

No, it wasn't over. Not by a long shot.

THE END

Day 106

Two weeks later, everything had gone back to normal. And by normal, I mean boring. Beth was sitting on the floor - refusing to place herself on the brand new couches that had been forced upon them - playing Lord of the Rings Online on her computer. Grosland was sitting next to Beth, squirming and moaning miserably as Beth's on-screen hobbit fought large and ominous spiders. Erin was tilting her head at a ridiculous angle as she tried to draw toast.

After several hours of this, all three girls sighed and put away their toys. Even being lame could get dull after a while. They resigned themselves to sitting in silence for a while longer. Then Beth said, "What are we going to do tonight, you guys?"

"I dunno," Erin mumbled, sprawling out over the new couches - which she rather preferred to their old, ratty, plaid cushions.

"Let's do . . . nothing," Gros said, tiredly.

"Yeah," Beth sighed, relenting to the inevitable. "Nothing."

"Nothing," Erin mumbled into the cushions.

"NOTHING?"

That voice. All three girls sat up straight immediately as the voice echoed spookily around them.

"Nothing? Nothing tra la la!?"

Without daring to speak, all of the girls turned simultaneously towards the Labyrinth poster on their wall. As they stared, their pitiful hearts swollen with hope, the glossy surface of the poster began to blur. The images smeared and became a swirling, sparkling vortex. And then the impossible happened. He walked through. Shining like the sun, his golden hair perfectly framing his chiseled features, the Goblin King looked at them with his mismatched eyes and sneered regally.

"Ladies," he began. "This is disgraceful."

They remained silent, staring up at him with their mouths half-open. Erin's nose had started to bleed.

"For years, you three have been wreaking havoc on the human realm. You have fed off of each others' exuberance, encouraged each other toward more and more reckless plots. Patience, prudence, common sense had no home in your plans." He was pacing now, surely leaving a trail of glitter that would be impossible for them to vacuum before cleaning checks, but the girls were too enraptured to notice. The Goblin King was coldly outraged, his lecture growing more insistent.

"This was to be your last great adventure!" he cried. "Before the world stole you away from each other. This was your chance to be glorious. And you took advantage of that. For a while." He stopped pacing and looked at them, his eyes fierce. "But you have become . . . lazy." The word sounded unusually filthy, the way he said it. "You never leave the house except to perform necessary societal duties, and then when you are home you sit in silence and watch your lives slip away, moment by moment.

"And now, with fewer than five days left to you, you plan to sit around and do nothing." His voice had grown soft, a malevolent whisper. It didn't matter; the girls were utterly silent. They wouldn't have missed a word he said. He raised an eyebrow at them and continued acidly, "This is your climax, girls? After all the weeks you've spent living together, this is how you spend your final days? This is your last scene? No. You each deserve - your friendship deserves -  better."

The trio was silent still. Their eyes were shining with tears of joy and misery. He was right, of course. Their summer together had been grand. How could they let it go out on such a mediocre note? They needed to do something spectacular. Something wondrous. But what?

The Goblin King read the question in their eyes. He considered them for a moment longer, then laughed once. His harsh features relaxed into a dazzling grin. Grosland started to cry. "Come on, girls," Jareth said teasingly. He gave them a significant look, his eyes flashing. His next words came softly, slowly. "Say your right words."

They each blinked in disbelief. For the first time since Jareth had arrived they tore their eyes from him to glance at each other in amazement. Could it really be time? After so many years of waiting?

They shared a look of deep meaning, then they looked back at the Goblin King, and each began speaking at the same moment. Their voices were steady, despite everything.

"We wish the goblins would come and take us away . . . right now."

Jareth grinned slyly once more.

And then they all four were gone.

Day Purple

Beth pushed open the door and looked around the very empty front room. Her recent work in Moab had done nothing for her mood. Nothing could replace the void that had come in the absence of Erin and Grosland. Despair gnawed at her chest and she fell to her knees with an anguished cry. The apartments around her had not been inhabited since the laundry room massacre, and the silence was becoming unbearable. After a moment's mad contemplation, she lurched to her feet and walked unsteadily towards the back rooms. She fumbled for the hall light and--with it's flickering light--she noticed the silhouette of a large object in Grosland's room. Her eyes adjusted, and she grinned when she recognized what it was.

The time machine was there. With luck, Grosland had managed to repair it before she'd died.

Day 31

Lane watched the horizon, doubt creasing his forehead. He glanced over at Beth, who was leaning back against his extended arm. She was looking up at the stars.

"Do you know how to find the summer triangle?" she asked offhandedly. She gestured up at the sky. "See the triangle created by those three stars? That one is called 'Altair'. It's part of the constellation Aquila." She smiled vaguely. "Then we have Vega and Deneb. They are-"

Her voice was drowned out by an explosion as a mushroom cloud of flame shot into the sky--off in the direction Lane had been looking. He and Steven (leaning against the back of the truck) stared open-mouthed as little flecks of flame continued to spew off in various directions. Steven looked back at Beth once it had quieted down a little. The horizon was now glowing with flame.

"Are you sure that was necessary? I mean, this is Moab."

"My original plan fell through. I'm just glad Anilee gave me the idea for using bacon grease to bomb the site." Beth was still staring up at the sky. "I really appreciate you both helping."

"What are pyros for?" Steven chuckled, climbing into the front of the truck. "Though I'm still surprised you used this trip as an excuse to come down here. You didn't even know us prior to this week."

"I had a good feeling about it," Beth said with a grin. "Lets get back to camp to get some food. Make sure to ask about the explosion. I don't want the others to suspect anything."

Day 85

Beth was surrounded by people, and yet she felt very alone. It wasn't uncomfortable; rather, a feeling of peace had settled upon her like a smooth, silk cloak. She wore it contentedly. After many hours of horror and pain, it was nice to just sit and be quiet.

She knew something was wrong the minute Erin stepped out the door. Grosland had never returned from her late-night mission, and after pacing the living room for six hours Erin had finally grabbed her gun off the table and gone out looking for her, swearing that there would be blood running in the streets if her roommate was harmed in any way. The door slammed shut, and somehow Beth knew that Erin wasn't coming back.

Once the sun had gone down she ventured out on her own, sheathed in darkness. She navigated the alleyways with catlike tread, silent as the approach of death. She needed clues, and soon enough, she found them. At the original rendezvous point, there was a smudge of blood on a lamppost. Beth's heart leaped into her throat. She followed the dusty footprints down the street, coming to a halt at a dead end.

She looked around, confused. Then, she spotted a scratch on one of the lower bricks in the wall. Crouching down, she was just able to read the word scratched into the wall:

 Aaaauuuggghhhh

Obviously, this had been written by a Grosland in great distress. Beth felt a wave of sadness wash over her as she thought of her amusingly short friend. She touched the word-laden brick gently - then, on an instinct, she pushed it.

It gave way readily. A great cranking sound echoed through the alleyway as the wall slid back into its holding, revealing a secret passageway. Beth was immediately alert, back on the hunt, and she stalked down the passage without a flicker of fear.

Beth in the present shuddered, remembering the filthy passageway. She'd had to traverse its spider-inhabited lengths for almost an hour before finally reaching the other side. She remembered her surprise at finding a closet door, the slits of which - when peered through sneakily - revealed the expansive laundry room of their apartment complex. Her entire ward had been in there, having one of their many after-church meetings. Beth had been about to turn back, feeling she had arrived at the wrong place, when the conversation had finally wheedled through the slats of the door to her.

"That's two of them down, only one more to go!" Josh said. The crowd responded with uproarious laughter and cheering. Josh grinned and raised his beefy arms, accepting the applause. "Really, that's enough," he said modestly. "That Erin girl wasn't very difficult. Once she'd seen her friend's gutted corpse, she just stood there and let me shoot her in the head." More laughing. Beth's heart froze over with anger.

Now a skinny woman was speaking. "Paul, how did you get that first girl anyway? She's always been so clever, I was sure she'd be the last one we'd get."

Paul smiled fiendishly, sitting on the couch with a couple of cronies. "Well, naturally, I made sure I had the upper hand. She made be skilled, but even a skilled assassin has little chance against twenty gunners. She's a lot easier to shoot when she's already dead." The laughter in the room was incredible, strong enough that Beth almost expected to feel it like a gust of wind on her face.

Suddenly, as the group of people shifted, Beth saw the table at the center of the room. A shock pulsed through her, making her gasp. Even though she'd expected it, the sight was more than she could ever have imagined: two slaughtered bodies displayed on the table like trophies - her roommates, too mutilated for her to even tell which one was which. Her breath came ragged and her sight was tinged with red. The laughter coming from the room rose and fell with her heartbeat, pounding in her skull. No more thinking; Beth was beyond that now. She was beyond BETH. She was the Hassassin. And the Hassassin only ever had one task....

The door crashed to the floor, making several of the ward members cry out in surprise. They all looked at her. Some didn't recognize her, and didn't know to run. Others, though, began to flee the moment she appeared, as if they could see death in her eyes. 


Beth smiled serenely, perched on the back of the couch. She was surrounded by people, but none of them moved or spoke, and none of them ever would again. She was alone in a crowd of the dead.

She started to whistle.

Day 79

Erin took one last look in the mirror, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind her ears, and clipping them back with a large flower barrette. She smirked at the cheerful effect it had, and turned to leave.
She grabbed her gun from the table as she passed and tucked it into the back of her pants, covering the bump with her perky, checkered dress, then left the apartment, striding purposefully down the hall and down the stairs.

A text message arrived, almost on cue, as she made her way across the courtyard:
 He's in. You should have a clear shot.
Erin smiled and pressed the button to reply.
Thank you. You'll be paid within the next day or so. Once the job is finished. 
She felt very pleased with the way things were working out. She could not have even imagined that his roommate could have been so easily bought.


She continued walking, heading down the empty corridor until she found number 36. She put on her softest expression and knocked softly. Nobody answered. She knocked again. After a moment she heard a voice speak tentatively from behind the door.
"Who is it....?"
Erin affected her voice to sound shy and sweet.
"Is Justin there?" she asked, tilting her head for effect, in case he was looking at her through the peephole. The door cracked open and an eye appeared.
 "What do you need?" the voice inquired suspiciously.
"I need to talk to Justin..." Erin replied, shuffling her feet and looking unsure. There was a pause.
"Are you hunting me?" he asked nervously, though opening the door a little more. Erin raised an eyebrow at him as though confused.
"Show me your hands," the man behind the door commanded. Erin complied. "Now turn around." Erin did so. She spun around; a useless action, as her dress concealed any lumps she had in her jeans -- her keys, her phone, and especially her gun. Were he smart he would have patted her down, but he appeared to be too much of a gentleman.
"Okay..." he said slowly, pulling the door further open. "Come in. But don't try anything... I'm not afraid to kill you if I have to..."
Erin smiled reassuringly and stepped forward, feeling smug. Men were all too willing to open the door to a pretty face and an innocent smile -- or even a suspicious one. Her hand briefly moved back to brush her gun -- a stupid instinct that was liable to get her in trouble.
"Hey! Hands where I can see them," he warned, closing the door slightly again. Erin raised her hands and waved them innocently. He lowered his eyebrows and stepped back from the door so she could enter.

He certainly was well armed. He had a pile of grenades on the table next to the door, almost as though he were expecting an army. She saw no weapon on his person however.
"Alright. What did you need?" He asked, lowering his voice.
"Last time we talked, we discussed some information you had... I've just come to collect it," she said, nonchalantly.
"Right," he nodded. "Let me get it."He turned his back and began to retreat to his room. Seeing her chance, Erin reached behind her back and seized her gun, whipping it out and aiming it at the back of his head. Unfortunately, he chanced a glance behind him just as he did, and immediately jumped into action, ducking her shot and popping back up behind her, throwing himself on her back and trying to wrestle the gun from her hand. She fought him off, despite the significant size advantage he had over her, firing several stray shots that hit the walls and the floor. Finally, she managed to drive a shot into his gut. He grunted, shocked, and stumbled backward. Acting quickly, Erin spun around and fired a shot into his forehead. Immediately he fell to the ground. Erin fell to her knees beside him, panting, and rifled through his pockets hastily until she found what she was looking for. She read the paper quickly, scowled, then stuffed it down the front of her shirt, leaping off the floor and heading for the door. She hadn't been very subtle, and somebody would have heard. She had to get out.
I need to work at being a better assassin...  She reprimanded herself, pounding down the corridor away from the scene. Indeed, it seemed she had been heard, and soon a shout came from behind her and shots started to ring out down the hall, ricocheting off the walls. She continued running without looking back. Trying to ignore her pursuer, she turned her thoughts to her next target. It would be harder this time; the new mark had a much higher profile. She'd have to be more creative. Even as she thought it, she saw him, through the window of his apartment, working on his computer. How easy would it be to stop right now and bump him off. But as she began to slow her pace, a bullet sang past her ear. She'd have to do it later. Of course her luck would never allow her to make a kill so easily. As she flew across the courtyard, bullets pelted the pavement around her. She looked up to the balcony and gave a mockingly apologetic smile. 
"Sorry, friend! It's just business!"

Erin stumbled slightly over her feet as she ran, red faced and sweating, across the parking lot, leaping into her car and starting the engine. She would have to leave town, at least for the day. Perhaps she could visit her cousin. Clearing would definitely understand her situation and take her in. She could wait until the vengeful hunt died down, as well as avoiding her own tracker. She only hoped the others would be okay for the time being...

-----------

It was late in the evening. Erin and Beth looked up from the couch as a frantic pounding sounded at the door through which Erin had returned home just a few minutes ago. Beth leapt up cautiously and went to the back to hide. Erin crept towards the door, looking through the peephole. There was a man there, but it was far too dark to see who it was. Erin paused.
"State your business," she commanded.
"It's Andrew, let me in!" the man outside replied, sounding very nervous. He was an ally; it was safe. Immediately Erin opened the door and stepped aside. Andrew entered, looking disheveled.
"I need to borrow a gun," he said, looking around nervously. Beth emerged from her safe spot and joined them in the kitchen.
"Take one of the ones on the table," she said. He did.
"What's wrong?" Erin asked, watching him fumble with the weapon.
"I have to take a hit next door... But I think they've got my number... One of them is after me, but I have no choice. I have to do it now..." he replied.
"What are you going to do?" Erin asked.
"I'm going to get her before she gets me," Andrew said, stiffening his resolve and throwing open the door.

Erin and Beth peered nervously around the doorframe as Andrew crept quietly next door, slipping past the window so as not to be seen. He took a deep breath and knocked, holding his pistol at the ready. The door flew open, and Erin and Beth both stifled screams as he was immediately riddled with bullets. Andrew stumbled back against the railing of the balcony. Gasping, he held himself up on the rail and gave a rattling breath as a smirk crept slowly across his face.
"So it was you..." he said to whoever was behind the door. "Well then, it will be interesting to see what you do... you inherit my target... it's her... " he pointed a shaking finger at another individual. "...are you going to kill her? ...your own roommate? ...your friend?" Another shot rang out, piercing Andrew's skull and effectively silencing him. He slumped down against the railing. Erin held back a whimper, and she and Beth ducked back inside. Through the slightly open window, they heard the other door click shut in the hallway. After a long, tense silence, a shot rang out from next door, muffled by the walls, and something heavy fell. More silence. Erin and Beth looked at each other, knowing exactly what had happened.
"Everyone is a traitor..." said Erin. "Our last true ally is gone. Nowhere is safe anymore." She paused for a moment. "Where's Grosland?"
"She's resting for right now..." Beth said. Erin sighed with relief. "But she's going out to take a hit at midnight... we'll need to watch her back." Beth continued. Erin took a deep breath and nodded.
"How did we ever get ourselves into this?" she sighed.

Day 78

The group walked in, greeted enthusiastically by Andrew. He led the girls to the stage piano, and struck up a dramatic tune, which echoed throughout the theatre. Their voices harmonized flawlessly--

But Beth was focused on other things. Her eyes darted out towards the darkness of the theatre, and she saw his silhouette. She knew it was him, though she could see little besides the reflection of his glasses. He was totally unaware of her intent... but it was too early to strike. She continued to sing strains of "Thoroughly Modern Millie," all the while remaining aware of his movements. This opportunity was too perfect to waste.

"And that," Andrew finished the piece grandly, "is why I want all four of you to star in my new production. You all sound so excellent! Don't you think, Ryan?"

"Definitely!" he called out from the audience.

Beth felt a remarkable calm come over her--just as she always felt before a kill. "What was your name?" she called out off-handedly. After a moment's pause, the response came.

"Ryan?"

Before he had even finished, Beth had whipped out her CZ-75 and blown a hole through his head. His figure slumped over the seat and was still. Everyone on the stage was silent.

Andrew let out a low whistle. "That's rough, buddy."

Beth flipped off the stage, landing delicately atop the row of seats in front of where the body was. She reached down and rummaged through his pockets. After a short moment, she drew out a rumpled piece of paper. Scanning it briefly, she cursed.

"What is it?" Erin called out as Grosland suddenly disappeared for nefarious purposes.

"Another clue..." Beth whispered darkly. "This had better be the end of the trail."

Day 73

"I don't understand..." Gros said, staring straight ahead and looking confused and worried.
"Neither do I..." said Erin, frozen in a similar position. "He has a mullet... He has a horrible earring... His picture should be in the dictionary next to 'the Eighties'... I... don't understand these... feelings..."
"You guys... I love him... Heaven help me, he has a mullet and I still love him!" Beth said, looking very frightened and upset. Erin put a hand on her shoulder.
"It's okay... I feel it too," she said quietly.
"Me too," said Gros. "I never thought I could feel this way about a mulleted frat boy...." She trailed off and the three of them all drew breath sharply and then let out identical longing sighs as he gave yet another devastating look.
"Oh, Officer Penhall... " Erin breathed, leaning closer to tv, biting her lower lip.
"21 Jump Street has ruined us..." Beth said, very seriously. "We must never speak of this to anyone." The other two nodded vigorously in agreement.
"He'll be our little secret," said Erin.
"And It's not like there's some all-knowing, invisible entity that writes down all our little exchanges like this on a blog for all to see," added Gros. They all laughed.

Ooh, Mister Penhall!

Day 72

"Hi, Gros!" Beth said brightly, bursting into the apartment.
"Oh... hi, Beth..." Gros replied quietly from the couch, shrinking slightly into the couch, Beth's computer open on her lap.
"How's it going?" Beth leapt over Erin, who was still asleep on the floor, on her way to the room to dump her backpack.
"Fine I guess..." Gros tilted the laptop screen down slightly.
"You sure?" Beth peered back into the living room suspiciously. "Wait a minute... what are you looking at?"
"Nothing!" Gros replied defensively, shielding the laptop screen from view. Beth furrowed her brow and crossed the living room to the couch.
"Give me the computer, Gros," she commanded, trying to wrestle it away.
"No!" Gros protested, clearly trying to click out of her internet browser window before Beth could see what was on it. Beth finally managed to get the upper hand, and her eyes widened in horror as she saw what was on the screen.
"GROSLAND!" she scolded. "What have I told you about using my computer to look up this sort of thing?!" Gros avoided her eyes, staring sheepishly at the floor without answering.
"I'm revoking your computer privileges for a week. I'm keeping my computer with me until I'm convinced that you can be trusted not to defile my hardrive with your... habits..."Beth continued sternly.
"I'm sorry, Beth..." Gros said, almost inaudibly. "I just wanted to look up how my team was doing in the world cup. It was just for a second. I didn' t think--"
"You didn't think I'd find out that you were looking up sports news on my computer?! Think again! You look that stuff up on your own computer, dangit! I don't want to find any more google searches for soccer rankings or football scores in my browser history. It's SICK I tell you! I don't want any part of it!"
"What's your problem?" Erin grunted, stirring and looking blearily up at them from the floor. "Did Gros use your computer to look up soccer things again?"
"Yes!" said Beth, sounding very perturbed. "She needs to learn to keep her sports to herself."
"Hmm..." Erin nodded, then paused for a long moment, seemingly in consideration. "Y'know, guys..." she said finally. "I think we might be really really weird..." The other two nodded in agreement. The three all seemed to disappear into their own thoughts for a while. The silence was eventually broken as Erin spoke again.
"So anyway... I taught the goblins to sing Phantom of the Opera. Anybody up for an impromptu performance now that we have enough people to play all the parts?"
Gros and Beth grinned and agreed.
"I get to be Carlotta!" said Gros.
"Wouldn't have it any other way," Erin smiled.

Day 71

"Umm... Erin? Can we talk?" Gros said apprehensively, standing in the hall and peering into the living room where Erin sat on the couch hunched over her computer. Erin didn't look up, but grunted to indicate that she was listening.
"It's just that we're worried about you," said Beth, standing beside Grosland. Erin did not respond, but scowled slightly at her screen.
"Erin... you know what this is about... I -- I think you need some help. This is becoming a serious problem," Gros said, sounding very concerned and fiddling with the hem of her pajama pants. Erin bristled and turned to glare at her roommates.
"I do NOT have a problem!" she snarled. The dim light in the room caused the deep shadows under her eyes to become even more pronounced, giving her an almost corpse-like appearance.
"Please, Erin! You can't keep this up! This... addiction is tearing us apart!" Beth insisted.
"It's not an addiction. I can quit any time I want," Erin replied hastily, turning back to look at her computer.
"Can't you see that this is killing you?!" Gros cried, tears welling in her eyes. "You have to quit! You have to let us help you!"
"I can't!" Erin protested wildly,  even as her breathing lapsed and her hands shook. "You can't make me stop! I need it!"
"No, Erin! You need to listen to us! We're your friends! We care about you!" Gros knelt down by Erin's side and put a hand on her trembling shoulder.
"I can't... It's... I need..." Erin stuttered, eyes darting frantically around the room as though searching for something....
 "Oh, for Pete's sake, woman! Just go to bed! You've been up past 1 AM every night for three weeks!" Beth cried in exasperation, striding over to Erin and giving her a solid whack to the back of the head.
"Ow, hey!" Erin said indignantly.
"Seriously. I didn't even know it was POSSIBLE to be addicted to staying up late, but you, madame, have shown me the light!"
"It's not an addiction... I'm just too busy to go to bed, that's all..." Erin muttered sheepishly.
"No you're not." Beth replied sharply. "Now go to bed, doofus. You've got work in the morning. If you stay up one more night you're going to kill yourself." Beth nodded and Gros reached out and slammed Erin's laptop shut. Erin opened her mouth to protest, but then gave in.
"Fine... you win. I'll go to bed on time, for once..." she sighed, getting up from the couch. The other two smiled encouragingly at her as she took a step toward the hallway. Unfortunately, she didn't make it very far before she swayed, dropped to the ground, and fell dead asleep on the carpet.

And THAT, children, is why sleeping is important. Don't be an Erin. Get to bed on time!

Day 69

And it came to pass that it was Sunday. The day started out as per usual. The hot air began to filter through the window that seemed to have only just begun to catch cool breezes. Beth was thinking longingly of the beginning of spring--the endless rain, the freezing breezes...

She sat up abruptly in her bed, determined to do SOMETHING about the apartment's current lack-of-cool-air.

Or rather, her position IN the apartment's current lack-of-cool-air.

So she went to Canada.

To kill someone.

The end.

(P.S. And this time, it wasn't Grosland.)

Day 68 - Gros's Story

Erin and Beth were playing on their laptops when Grosland finally entered the living room at around noon. Her hair was plastered to her forehead and stuck up all over in the back; she was wearing her frumpy cow-print pajamas; and from the look on her face she seemed to have developed an intense hangover. She stood in the doorway, staring mirthlessly at the pair of them. Beth and Erin looked at each other, then Erin said, "Hey, Bro. You want some breakfast?"

Grosland didn't answer, simply walking forward and plopping herself down on the couch between her roommates. They once again exchanged worried glances, but curiosity was burgeoning from them. Before either one of them could say anything, Grosland grunted, "I suppose you want to know where I've been this past week."

"Only if you want to tell us!" Erin said, leaning towards Grosland excitedly. Beth nodded fervently.

Grosland took a deep breath, rubbing her hand down her face. "I'm gonna need a drink, then."

Two minutes later, Beth and Erin were sitting on the floor in front of Grosland with their legs crossed. Gros had a tall glass of strawberry milk in her hand, and the wise look of an old sailor on her face as she began her tale. "First of all," she said, glugging down some milk, "I wasn't in San Francisco." Beth's face became outraged, and Gros corrected, "Well, I was. But only for a few hours. My true destination was a bit more . . . foreign. See, I was in San Francisco to meet a helicopter."

"What?!" Erin burst out. Several goblins (who had been listening in on the story, though they were still out of sight) gasped in shock as well.

Grosland glared at Erin with her bloodshot eyes. "Don't interrupt. It's very rude. Like I said, I was meeting up with a helicopter. The helicopter took me to China, see, but even that wasn't my true destination. It was just the most convenient place for my crew to assemble without attracting much notice.

"Now, before you interrupt again, yes I have a crew. They're a colorful lot, wizened old men and tattooed women and all that sort. But we're all united in our passion: hunting down the Kraken." Beth and Erin looked at each other in bemusement, but didn't dare to interrupt. Grosland was getting a crazy look in her eye that boded ill. "That beast of beasts, the terror of the seas. We've been working together for years, trying to track down the thing, and we finally had a breakthrough. One of my scientists found the monster's lair with a probe. The probe was destroyed, but not until we'd gotten the approximate telemetry of its location. As soon as I was informed, I sent word to the crew that we were to gather on the coast of China, at a little seaport called Nhiaka.

"We boarded our submarine, El Destino del Calamar, and set off for the Kraken's lair on Tuesday. We were well-supplied with torpedoes, harpoons, ray guns, and anything else we might need to survive such a dangerous encounter. We were prepared for everything . . . except what eventually defeated us."

At this, Grosland took a long drink from her glass. Beth said, in a strained voice, "You have a crew? And a submarine?"

Grosland laughed without humor. "I did," she said darkly. She slammed her fist on the table. "I DID."

There was a significant pause. A squeaky voice from behind the couch said, "More story! What is happening once boat go in water?"

Grosland blinked, but seemed to decide that the voice had come from Erin, for she continued without question. "We searched for the Kraken's lair for two days. Once, we thought we had found it, but that cave just ended up leading to some underwater city - Atlantis, I think it was - and they didn't know anything about the monster. Dead end after dead end, we searched the blackness of the deeps. But on the third day . . . ." Grosland's eyes lit up for the first time since she'd been home. "I saw it."

Erin gasped involuntarily.

"It was massive," Grosland said, waving her arms the way sailors do. "Tentacles at least fifty feet long, and great big eyes the size of manhole covers. We spotted it devouring a poor beluga whale, and its beak glinted maliciously even in the dark waters. It was so distracted by its meal that it didn't even notice us until we were a hundred yards away."

Suddenly, Grosland was standing on the coffee table, gesticulating wildly. "We shot a load of harpoons at it, but it caught every one. SNAP! SNAP! with its powerful tentacles. It swam right at us, but we'd upgraded El Destino with a few radioactive motors! SZWOO SZWOOSZWOOSZWOO! It was close behind, and the ray guns seemed to be having no effect through the water. It grabbed us in its slimy arms and began to squeeze. The oxygen tanks were bursting all over the ship, POW! POW! and we were close to collapsing. BUT! The foolish beast had its mouth clamped right over one of the torpedo tubes! We managed to get our biggest torpedo in there, and as our last hope, we shot the torpedo right into the beasts mouth! KAPLOW!"

Grosland jumped into the air, shooting out her arms and legs. Beth and Erin jumped as well, startled, and several of the goblins screamed. When Grosland landed, she knelt on one knee and sighed. "We had barely escaped with our lives. There was just enough power to make it back to land, and I ordered a retreat." She looked up, and her eyes were cold again. "But my first mate - Loghain - had other ideas. He arranged a mutiny, rallying up the crew with rants about how they could still win the fight. I tried to talk them down, but the men were insane with bloodlust, and cared more for their futile fight than for their lives. I was the only one who saw the sense in retreat, in fighting another day. For my sensibility, I was . . . put off the ship."

She stood again. "In only a wetsuit and helmet, I was ejected from the submarine. I watched my ship dive back into the depths, and within thirty minutes I was watching bits of my comrades floating back up to the surface." Erin's hands were clamped over her face in horror. "I swam as quickly as I could, and I would have made it to the surface, but I was attacked by a hammerhead shark. I defeated it handily, but not before he had bitten through my helmet. I blacked out, and the last thing I saw was the shadow of a ship high above me.

"It turned out to be a boat of Chinese fisherman. They caught me in one of their fishing nets by mistake. When I awakened, I managed to convince them that I was a mermaid princess, and they agreed to help me in whatever way they could. I told them that if they delivered me to the San Francisco bay, I'd grant them three wishes. Fortunately, they all wished for peanuts, so that was easily settled once we'd reached California. They dropped me off on Alcatraz Island, and I used the secret tunnels to get back here."

Grosland had finally settled, sitting down heavily on the couch and slurping from her strawberry milk again. Beth and Erin were flabbergasted, staring at Grosland with wide eyes and wider mouths. When she had finished her drink, Gros slapped it back down on the table and leaned back into the cushions with her eyes closed.

They stayed like that for an immeasurable time.

Then Grosland's eyes shot open and she sat up straight as a rod, looking around in alert suspicion. "Girls," she asked in a would-be-calm sort of voice, "why is the apartment full of chickens?"

Day 67

"Is Gros asleep then?"

"Yeah. Her trip left her a little under the weather," Erin shrugged. "And she had to work today."

"Huh. And did she say anything about...?"

"Nope. Don't think she noticed."

"Huh." Beth kept playing her video game. Erin kept drawing. The 40 or so chickens around the room continued to sleep in the darkness.

Day 66

Beth opened the door carefully, trying not to drop any of her luggage. She came in, looked around, and managed to drop everything anyways.

"ERIN!" she burst out, trying not to panic. The entire room was strewn with fragments of paper, assorted cold cereals, CDs, tissues, rolls of toilet paper, gummy raspberries, and the torn pages of several text books (which had clearly been used in an attempt to start a fire). The furniture was haphazardly strewn about the room, and several pieces were covered in duct tape, plastic wrap, or both. Erin's head popped into view above the couch.

"Oh, hey! You're back early." Erin looked cheerful enough. Beth gaped at her.

"What happened here!?"

"Well, it all started when Kipper-"

"Kipper?" Beth continued to stare blankly at Erin.

"Well, yeah. Kipper is-" Erin looked around and then shrugged. "He is a goblin. But I guess he's gone now. We were playing a game."

"Uh huh." Beth looked livid. "Are any of these textbooks mine?"

"Oh, no, we were sure to take them from some of the apartments on the other side of the complex," Erin said cheerfully. "Zip didn't know what s'mores tasted like, and-" she broke off as Zip leapt from behind what was left of the TV.

"King outlawed 'shmallows," he said sadly. "Lady was tryin to show us." He looked utterly pathetic about it, and Beth felt any anger she'd had evaporate.

"I... well..." she looked up at Erin with a sly grin. "We'll need more than kindling."

Day 65 (Part Erin)

"Alright, which one of you chuckleheads put ketchup in the shower head?!" Erin yelled from the bathroom. "We don't even OWN any ketchup!"
"Was Zip!" accused one of the goblins from the living room.
"Nuh-UH!" cried Zip. "Was Kipper, lady!"
"It doesn't matter who it was! It was probably Squeak anyway..." Erin called back. "Just knock it off, dangit!" She sighed and finished rinsing out the shower head and screwed it back on. Luckily, she had not actually been IN the shower when she noticed it.
This is just great. She thought to herself. Gros gets a week off and Beth gets to go take hits in San Fransisco and I'm stuck here babysitting goblins. Man, being the tech guy SUCKS sometimes.
She shook her head and exited the bathroom, going into the living room to find that the entire coffee table had been taped over with packing tape. Erin opened her mouth to speak, but then thought better of it. She closed her eyes and massaged her temples while she breathed slowly. When she looked back up, Kipper and Squeak were standing proudly beside the table, blinking up at her.
"See, lady?" said Squeak, gesturing excitedly to it, large ears flopping around as he bounced. "We wrapped the whole thing for you!" Erin stared silently at them for a moment, then gave a short laugh. 
Well...  She thought.  If you can't beat 'em...
"Who wants to have a pillow fight??" she said, seizing a cushion from the couch. The goblins cheered.

Day 65 (pt Beth)

Beth settled angrily into the fluffy white mess of sheets in her hotel room. The day had been a waste of time. She'd managed to lose Diggory after a couple hour's worth of bike chasing the night before and by the time she'd lost him it'd been too late to find somewhere to sleep. THEN, naturally, she'd finally managed to take down her "commission" (a good twelve hours after she was supposed to) and get back on track looking for Grosland. Erin had discovered that Grosland was going to be going across the Golden Gate Bridge at some point that day, so Beth had kept watch on the area for most of the afternoon. Of course, THEN Diggory had managed to catch up with her after several hours vigilant watching on the bridge. To make a long story short, she'd missed Grosland's perusal of the bridge while running and jumping across the rooftops of San Francisco.

Then that evening as she was catching dinner at a diner, Erin had called her.

"Well, Grosland said she's coming back tomorrow."

"She CONTACTED you?" Beth put her face in her hand. "Are you bloody joking?"

"Yeah. She said she'd explain when she got back. Didja get Fred or Joe or whatever?"

"Darren. And yes, at least this trip wasn't a TOTAL loss." The glass in Beth's hand shattered as she clenched her hand around it tightly. The waiter looked disapproving as he drew nearer, but she gave him a look that warned him away.

So, now, she'd checked into the shmantziest hotel she could find, ordered some fine italian pasta, and settled down to stare at the TV. And she felt utterly dissatisfied with herself.

Well, at least everything will be back to normal tomorrow she thought with a frown. We'll all be back in the apartment with nothing to do but sit on the couch. She turned the TV off, settled deeper into the covers and drifted of to sleep with that comforting thought.

Day 64 (Part Erin)

Erin slammed her alarm clock and rolled out of bed, cursing the world. She had slept very little the night before, and the sleep she had gotten had been punctuated by dreams of mazes, ballrooms, and utter frustration. And of course, she woke at least once every hour or so to the sounds of the goblins rustling around, rearranging things, or having sword fights (or at least that's what it sounded like) with kitchen utensils. She was too tired to do anything about it.

She shuffled into the bathroom, flipping the light on and squinting in the sudden brightness. She scowled at her reflection, wrinkling her nose so that the deep, purple bags under her eyes became even more pronounced. She picked up her brush and began to pull it roughly through her tangled mane of hair, blearily taking note of the amount of glitter that seemed to have worked its way through her hair.

Back in her room, Erin picked grumpily through her closet and pulled out a dress. Her pants were all still missing, so she had little choice in the matter.
"I hope you're all very pleased with yourselves," she grumbled.

After fishing under her bed for several minutes and realizing that all of her left shoes were gone, Erin left the house and walked to work barefoot in a very foul mood.

"Hi honey." Erin said into the phone, making sure the young man in the computer lab who had been making passes at her all week was listening.
"... Uhh... what?" came Beth's confused response on the other end.
"Yeah, my shift is over at eleven. Where do you want to pick me up?" Erin said, ignoring her.
"Yeah... okay, whatever. Just let the poor sap down easy... Anyway, I still haven't tracked her. They said they were visiting Alcatraz today, but I haven't spotted them. Anyway, it's hard to see anything in all this rain," said Beth.
"Okay, sounds good. I'll see you then," Erin replied. "I love you too." Then she hung up the phone and gave a very pointed look at the young man, who had been staring at her, but turned quickly away and slumped slightly in his chair. She turned her attention back to the screen, where a series of maps were laid out. Beth's red tracking dot blinked steadily on her map of Alcatraz, but Grosland's was nowhere to be seen. She was beginning to worry. Still, she could not focus on this right now. She closed the laptop, shook some glitter out of her hair, and put her forehead down on the desk.

Erin didn't remember leaving work, or even walking home, but she vaguely recalled stumbling into the apartment and collapsing on the floor. The next time she was aware of anything at all, the sun was starting to go down. She pushed herself off the floor, trying to ignore the pounding in her head, as well as the dusting of glitter on the carpet that she was quite certain was going to get them in trouble during their next cleaning check. She wandered into the bathroom, once again hearing the giggling and scuffling in the background. She sighed and glanced in the mirror, where she noticed that some very juvenile things had been scrawled and doodled all over her face in marker. She groaned and started to scrub it off in the sink, as the giggling picked up again from behind her.
"Just tell me what you want!" she cried out, face dripping with water and ink. "I just want to know why--" Suddenly, a thought crossed her mind. She paused as a sudden stillness fell over the entire apartment and the air seemed to fill with a sort of electricity.  She shivered, goosebumps rising all over her skin, then spoke quietly, voice wavering. "I wish--" she said, " I... wish--" she could not say anything else.
Not yet... It's not time. Wait for the others...
Erin nodded as the thought entered her head, almost as though it had been whispered to her....


.... and then she was really really tired and didn't want to write anything else, so she fell asleep face down on the couch after eating most of a three pound bag of saltwater taffy.

Day 65 (pt Beth)

Silence fell over the compound as she pulled to a stop. Beth looked around, trying to keep herself from panicking. She knew that voice.

"Hello Beth. Funny that we should meet again under these circumstances." He walked slowly from the shadows for an unnecessary--but nonetheless extremely cool--effect. His dark eyes met hers and he smiled.

"Greg?" she asked softly.

"Alas, no. I've no idea where my brother is at present," he shrugged nonchalantly and walked towards her. "Don't you remember me?"

"If you aren't Greg... I don't think I've seen you before in my life," Beth tried to sound casual, but she revved up her engine, preparing to make her escape.

"Alas, you are incorrect," the character leered. "You've met me many times. I've just never bothered to introduce myself to you properly. You were satisfied with who I was pretending to be, so I saw no reason. However, seeing as you've placed yourself into less... worthy associations, you leave me no choice but to make myself known to you." He had come forward now, and had placed a hand on Beth's handlebar. But she was too transfixed to leave.

"Who.... who are you?"

"My name... is Diggory," he said softly. "And I'm sorry to say this... but I've come to kill you."

Day 64

Erin stood up from the couch and stretched. She had been there all evening immersed in her work and eating salad from a bag. Depressing evening to say the least, but what else was she going to do when it was just her and the empty apartment? Beth hadn't called her for a while, which probably meant she was still pedaling towards San Fransisco. Erin decided to leave her alone for the time being; it was hard enough to bike long-distance without talking on the phone. A sudden scuffling  brought Erin out of her thoughts. She froze, scanning the room carefully for the source. When it did not start again, she closed her eyes and rubbed them with her palms for a moment, heaving a sigh, then pulled the band out of her hair and walked to the bathroom to take a shower.

 As soon as she shut the water off, Erin heard the noises again, louder this time: a squeak, followed by a frantic scrambling sound. She peered slowly around the shower curtain and, seeing nothing, grabbed a towel from the rack and wrapped it around herself. She stepped carefully out of the tub and peered through the door into the main body of the bathroom where the sinks and mirror were; still nothing, though she swore she heard giggling, followed by a hasty shushing sound from somewhere. She furrowed her brow and snatched up a can of hairspray from the counter, wielding like a weapon.
"Alright!" she said aloud. "Whatever you little creeps are up to, knock it off. I'm not afraid to use this!" She brandished the hairspray. Another snicker, then a pained squeak.
"Ouch! Hey!" a small, voice hissed.
"Lady is going to hear you if you don't shoosh!" scolded another voice.
"She already heard you," said Erin impatiently. "Why are you here?" Nobody answered. Erin scowled and glanced around the room, suddenly realizing that the t-shirt and shorts she had laid out for herself were gone.
"Come on, you guys! Those are my favorite shorts!" she said in annoyance. Still no answer, so she shook her head. "Whatever. It's not like I don't have other clothes." Clutching her towel around herself, she went across the hall to her bedroom and picked out some new clothes. However, when she opened the drawer that usually contained her jeans, she found them all to be missing. She bit her lip in frustration, but maintained her cool. She was not going to let the goblins win.
"Jokes on YOU! My roommates aren't home, so I am in no way obligated to wear pants! HA!" she exclaimed, eye twitching, and strutted back into the living room in her drawers. She plopped back down on the couch as a disappointed "Aww man!" sounded -- almost inaudibly -- from somewhere in the apartment. She smiled smugly to herself and leaned over to retrieve her laptop and tracking equipment from the floor, placing one hand on the coffee table to support herself. She straightened up and began to work as she had before. It was several minutes before she realized that her right hand was covered in glitter. The color drained from her face as she glanced slowly around to see that the coffee table was also dusted with glitter, as was a good portion of the carpet. Erin's heart skipped a beat, then began to pound loudly, drowning out all thoughts of her work. Hands shaking, she reached for her phone and dialed Beth's number.

Day 64 (pt Beth)

Beth pulled the binoculars away from her face, eyes narrowing.

He should've come out by now...

The heat was almost intolerable--not to mention the humidity. The reasonable side of her kept suggesting she get on with the mission, but she couldn't do it. Suddenly she saw one of the library doors open, and she ducked down again, pulling the binoculars back up. She grinned.

Gotcha.

Her phone began to vibrate, so she pulled it out, still keeping an eye on the men that were leaving the library.

"Hey."

"Have you found her yet?" Erin's impatience was clear over the line. "It's been several hours."

"Not... no. Not yet," Beth said impatiently, shoving the binoculars into her belt and creeping across the roof, still keeping track of her targets. There was a moment of silence over the phone--interrupted by the sound of Erin typing into her computer.

"What the- Beth?! You aren't even IN San Francisco."

"I know, I got sidetracked," Beth grumbled, strapping a rope to a baluster and sliding down to the balcony below. The men were almost to the van. Erin snorted loudly.

"Stop stalking the poor kid. Even on your bike you'll have a hard time getting to S.F. before Grosland changes locations."

"I know!" Beth said defensively. She'd made it to the ground and was sprinting towards her bike. The van had started off.

"Is that even allowed? I'm sure his mission president would disapprove--not to mention your commanding officer. You know he doesn't like you overly-attached types. Not to mention it's super creepy. It's not like you can even talk to him!"

"Aww, just..." Beth watched the van turn a corner and sighed. "Yeah. I guess. You're such a buzzkill."

"It's what I'm here for," Erin said cheerfully. "Now about San Francisco..."

"Yeah, I'm going, I'm going." She looked around with another sigh. Santa Cruz was nice. She'd have to return later under... different circumstances. She revved up the bike and sped off, trying not to feel too sorry for herself.

There were important things to do... finding Grosland the least of them.

Day 63

Beth burst into the apartment after a bit of lock-fiddling. It was empty and dark, which was only to be expected considering it's Sunday-ness. She set about putting her things away and tidying up the front room for no general purpose. (This is what weirdos do for fun.) She wondered absently when Grosland would return from her house.

Then her heart stopped. (This can happen because she is a vampire.)

Grosland wasn't coming back. She had been threatening to leave all week for San Francisco... and then she'd actually done it that morning. Not wanting to take in this realization, Beth ran crazily into the back rooms to assess the situation.

Bed made. G19, gone. Pickaxe, gone. Contact solution, gone. Grosland... affirmatively gone.

Beth shooed away several of the pigeons nesting on Grosland's "roommate" bed, and sat down on it to gaze up through the skylight. "Well, at least I should've asked her how to work the bloody time machine," she thought sadly. It was hard to believe that Grosland was actually... gone. I wish- she thought longingly.

Suddenly she heard a crash from the front room. She krept towards the bedroom door, softly opening the dresser next to it, and sliding out another handgun. She listened carefully. When there was no further sound, she threw the door open, diving for the ground, gun in place. The room was empty. She held still for a moment, checking for further movement. Then she eased up, still training the gun on the empty room.

"Who's there?!" she called out sharply. She heard something scurrying behind the couch and a soft giggle. "Hello?" The noises continued--but there were more now. She heard something in the kitchen turn on the sink, and saw the blinds twitch. Heart pounding, she eased along the wall, still trying to discover the source of the noises coming from behind the couch. "So help me, if this is some kind of stupid trick-"

"Beth?" Erin walked in, carrying her laundry. Her flamethrower was strapped to her back. "Who're you talking to?"

"Shh!" Beth put a finger to her lips. "We've got some kind of poltergeist." Erin was quiet for a moment, cocking an ear. When nothing evidenced itself, she shrugged.

"He'd better not fiddle with my computer again. It took me weeks to remove every trace of Panda porn from the system last time." She plopped down on the couch. Beth watched carefully to see if anything came out of it, but nothing seemed to happen. The noises had disappeared.

"Weird. I just heard a crash and some weird noises out here. And something turned the sink on..." she walked into the kitchen to turn it off and froze. A goblin was balanced on the faucet--trying haphazardly to stuff several utensils into the food disposal. It looked up at her, grinned, and jumped past her.

"Erin, we have a goblin!" Beth shrieked. But the goblin ran into the front room, dove for the front window, and disappeared into the night. The two girls jerked the window open and looked out, trying to fathom where it had gone in the darkness. Then they both pulled inside and looked at each other.

"Huh," Beth said softly. "That's the first time *that's* ever happened." Neither could figure what it meant...

Day 61/62

Loud bangs and hammering noises were coming from behind Grosland's bedroom door. Beth and Erin ignored them for a few hours, but when Grosland still hadn't come out by 3:00pm, Erin asked, "What do you think she's doing in there?"

Beth looked up from her Dragon Age game, and glanced towards the bedroom. "Well," she admitted, "I'd hoped she was patching up that giant hole in her ceiling, but I doubt that would have taken this long."

They stared at the door a while longer, listening to the clanging of metal on metal. Then Erin said, "Suppose we should go check on her?"

Beth sighed. "Fine."

They put down their laptops and walked hesitantly toward the door. Erin raised her fist as if to knock, but Beth pushed past her and walked straight in. They both stopped immediately on the threshold.

The remains of their stolen spacecraft were spread throughout the room - which was still brightly lit from the alien-created 'sun roof,' which Gros had apparently not repaired. The main hull of the ship was propped up on several concrete blocks, and a pair of stubby legs that could only be Grosland's were sticking out from underneath the ship. As they watched, there was a minor explosion in the craft, and Grosland rolled out from under it coughing, her face smudged with grease.

Erin said, "Grosland, what are you doing in here?!"

Grosland coughed some more, then looked up at her roommates. They could see that her eyes were wild and frantic. Something must be terribly wrong. Grosland spoke in a raspy sort of panic, "I have to go back and fix it. I'm sorry. I made a promise - I'm so sorry!"

They stared at her. Beth said, "For an English major, you sure have some communication problems. What are you talking about?!"

Grosland looked around, fidgeting, then finally burst into a confession. "Last night, you went to your Dad's house, Beth, and Erin went to have a sleepover with her Mom because she was all alone and I promised that I would do the blog post because all I was doing was hanging out at the apartment by myself. But then I was watching Evita and eating ice cream on the couch and the musical was so epic that I totally forgot about everything else and I just went to bed without doing a blog post at all! When I woke up this morning and realized what had happened, I just knew I had to make it up to you guys, and then I realized that we still had this old ship and if I just added a few modifications I was sure I could turn it into a time machine so that I could go back and write a blog post and then everything would be fine!" She gasped for breath.

Beth and Erin had their mouths hanging open, completely incredulous. At last, Beth said, "It's just a blog, Grosland."

"But I promised!" Gros wailed.

"It's okay!" Erin was quick to soothe. "We don't mind. Honestly. You're our friend, Grosland. We understand that you just forgot."

Grosland's eyes and nose were running. She wiped a sleeve across them, and her face was now an indescribable mess. "Really?" she asked.

"Sure," Beth said, grinning. "Besides, I lie to you all the time. Like when I told you the doctors had done a radical experiment on me when I was a baby because my parents were too poor to afford the labor surgery."

"That wasn't true?!" Grosland asked, shocked.

"Hey, guys! I just realized we need to go buy groceries!" Erin interrupted, trying to ward off the impending argument. "Who wants gummy raspberries?"

Grosland and Beth both snapped their heads toward Erin, completely forgetting themselves. They raised their hands and jumped up and down in the air. "Ooh! I do! I do!"

So they went to the store and got gummy raspberries and all was well. And the time machine was never built or used to bring pet dinosaurs to the apartment or anything like that, ever.

I promise. ;)

Day 60

Beth made a face as she took a swig from the cup Grosland had given her. A tense moment later, she leapt up off the couch.
"Wow! Thanks, Gros! I feel completely better!" she said happily.
"Awesome!" Gros replied, "I can't believe I got it right!"They both looked down at the floor as Erin began to stir.
"Did it work?" she moaned, looking blearily up at the other two and pushing herself into a sitting position.
"You tell me," Beth grinned. Erin stared at her for a moment as Gros went about cleaning up the living room.
"Beth...?" Erin said slowly, looking quite worried. "Are you supposed to be glowing like that?"

Day 59

"Do you really have to do that?" Beth slurred as Erin and Gros danced wildly around the cauldron they had set up in the living room. Gros scowled.
"We're doing this for you, y'know. You could be a little more appreciative," she said.
"No... I mean... I'm happy you're trying to make me better, but... the dancing. Can you... not?"replied Beth, pressing her face into the couch and moaning.
"You can't NOT dance when you're making a potion, Beth," Gros said sternly.
"Watching you spin is making me nauseous... too many colors."
"Oh," said Erin, looking concerned, "do you want us to stop? It helps with the magic, but we don't need to do it if it's making you feel worse. Should I go make you some juice or a panini or something? How about something to put on that terrible rash? I've got some stuff in our room if you --"
"Naw... s'okay... woah..." Beth said, suddenly seeming far more distant than she had a moment ago."I think I can... hear the colors... they sound like... Michael Boulton... "
"It should only be a few more minutes. It just needs a chunk of your hair and then to sit for a little bit... If we did it right it ought to be enough to cure you of your rocket fever." Said Gros, ignoring the oddity of Beth's statement and leaning over the pot to stir it.
"Here, take it." Beth said, sitting up, grabbing the scissors from the table, and hacking her entire ponytail off. She brandished it at Gros and Erin who exchanged worried glances.
"Hurry it up... I think we're losing her," muttered Erin. Beth laughed loudly, shaking her head so that her now short hair whipped around her face. Erin took the ponytail from her and gently pushed Beth back down and told her to close her eyes. Beth continued to giggle, but obliged. Gros shrugged, taking the ponytail from Erin and dropping the entire thing into the cauldron....

Suddenly, before the story could come to any sort of real conclusion. Erin passed out from exhaustion, leaving Gros standing in the living room with a cauldron, an unconscious roommate, and a roommate who was out of her mind with rocket fever.
"Well..." she said aloud to herself, nudging Erin's inert form with her toe. "I can't wait to see how this one turns out."

Day 58

Grosland placed the cup into Beth's hands, bent the straw, and stuffed it in her mouth. Then she sat down, her blue eyes wide with concern. After a moment Beth's eyes flickered open. She managed to focus on Grosland's face, and grimaced.

"This is your fault, you know," Grosland said haughtily, standing up and getting some pizza. "I'd prepared for weeks for the level of radiation we experienced up there." Beth closed her eyes again and mumbled around the straw.

"I dunno why Erin isn't sick." Grosland looked suspiciously towards Erin, who was drawing on her tablet absently. "It's a bit suspicious, don't you agree?" Beth mumbled again and tried to drink the juice--which slipped from her hand. Gros tsked and picked up the empty cup. Beth groaned and rolled over to hide her face.

"It should only last today. You'll be fit to work tomorrow," Gros said cheerfully. It wasn't clear whether or not she was pleased with Beth's condition. "And you'll just have to trust my notes next time." Beth muttered something that sounded vaguely profane, and Gros pursed her lips. "Now that's no way to thank me."

"Besides, now you'll have an easier time when we go again next time," Erin said brightly, continuing to scribble. Beth didn't answer, so she continued. "I mean, besides being airsick the entire time. You need to think before you do things, dear." She began to whistle through her teeth. Beth rolled over again, looking slightly livid.

"I-" she opened her mouth and began to dry-heave onto the carpet. The other two gave her pitying looks, but left her alone. There wasn't much of anything in her stomach to worry about anyways.

The Bowie poster continued to smirk.

Day 57 - Returning

The apartment door slammed open and Jessica Grosland stormed inside, fuming. She was wearing a silver jumpsuit of some kind, and as she walked in she threw down the helmet she had been carrying under her arm. She stomped through the living room loudly, not seeming to care about the neighbors in the apartment below them.

Her roommates entered the apartment a few moments later, Erin tailing behind just a bit, looking wary. Beth, however, seemed just as angry as Grosland. They weren't wearing silver suits, but instead had on tight black outfits of mixed leather and spandex. Erin dawdled at the door, but Beth followed Grosland, shouting, "What was I supposed to do? Huh?!"

Grosland turned around, her jaw clenched. "You weren't supposed to do anything. That's the point!"

"Well, forgive us for trying to rescue you!" Beth said. Erin shut the door quietly and stood watching the pair of them fight for a few minutes, then slinked around them to the couch, pulling her Mac onto her lap.

Beth was still shouting, "- come home to find your bedroom ceiling blasted through, the whole place covered in rubble, and I was supposed to do nothing?!"

"I left a note!" Grosland said.

Beth laughed harshly. "Yeah. A napkin with three words scrawled on it -

'ALIENS.

love, Gros'

- doesn't do a lot to reassure a person!"

Grosland had turned around in a huff, throwing her hands in the air. Beth stayed where she was, shouting even after Grosland had gone into her room. "Now we've got an intergalactic war on our hands, Erin and I were almost killed, there's a flaming crater in the street outside - you think the owners aren't going to notice that? - and it's all your fault!"

"My fault!" Grosland burst out of her room again. Her eyes looked like they were made of blue fire. "I've been setting up this abduction for months! Do you know how much paperwork went into this? I was actually on a spaceship, living a dream I've had my entire life, and it was all blasted out of the air with one shot from that laser cannon of yours."

"We thought you were in trouble!" Beth said, the concern in her voice completely overwhelmed by her frustration. "It wasn't just a joyride for us! We had to drive all the way down to Area 51, steal a rocket, and fly into space to come find you. We could have been killed!"

"You would've been fine if you'd have just stayed right here!"

"Hey, guys?" Erin interrupted, holding up a finger politely.

"I missed six days of work because of you. I'll probably lose my job!"

"They were taking me to their home planet, Beth!"

"Guys?" Erin said, looking at her computer screen with increasing alarm.

"We should've left you on that ship!"

"THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!"

Erin suddenly bellowed in rage, the sound bursting from her throat like a demon from Hell. Both Grosland and Beth shut up immediately, looking over at her in shock. When she was finally done, Erin glared at the two of them, who looked rather fearfully back at her. "Will you two forget about alien kidnappings and intergalactic war already? We have a real emergency on our hands!"

Beth and Grosland looked at each other once, then back at Erin, completely serious now.  "Of course," said Beth, at the same time Grosland said, "What is it?"

Erin pointed at her screen urgently, her eyes wide. "We haven't done a blog post in a whole week!"

The other two blinked in unison, staring at Erin, expressionless. They blinked again. They looked at each other, and both of them furrowed their brows in irritation. Beth shook her head. "I've got to go call my boss," she said angrily. "And then maybe, you know, the FBI."

"Well, I don't suppose there's anyone who's taking my calls anymore, since my roommates 'accidentally' blew up the entire Nisa'an royal family," Gros spat back. "So I guess I'll just go to my room and look at the stars. You know, from EARTH."

As she was stomping to her room, Beth called sarcastically after her. "At least you don't have to open the window. You can see the sky through the giant hole in your ceiling!" Grosland slammed the door. Beth huffed and then went into hers and Erin's room, closing the door with enough force to knock the clock off the living room wall.

Erin stared after them for a while, still seated on the living room couch. She looked out their balcony window and saw the ship they'd landed in, still smoking in its crater twenty yards away. She sighed heavily.

"Well, as usual, it's up to me to take care of the blog" she said bitterly. She started to type. "What would these guys do if it wasn't for me?"

Day 50

Well... that was anticlimactic. 50 DAYS, PEOPLE! D: Already! Where does the time fly?

Day 49

Dear Jareth,

Today was Sunday. We did... pretty much... Sunday things. Beth took a 3 hour nap. And studied plants. She loves playing piano for primary children. :) Then she had way too much fun reciting scripture mastery and The Living Christ in Scottish brogue. For a long time. While she was brushing her teeth and everything. No life at all, I'm telling you...

Luckily, she's not the only one this blog is about.

Erin got married. He is very attractive. They brought all their children to the apartment and Beth didn't expect them. She grudgingly listened as Erin was spiritual and had to turn the sound off her computer as she had been watching stupid youtube videos. Woe. Is. Her. But it's ok, because Erin's husband is very attractive. As previously stated.

Grosland (Jessica) took watermelon to sick Keziah. (Our Next Door Neighbor.) It was kind of silly, but she can't cook so there was nothing else she could bring. (Not that we're bashing not-cooking-abilities, mind you. Beth and Erin have every respect for her.)

Happy Sunday! Beth has one more final tomorrow and then ... it's officially summer. She will not be in school for the first time since she graduated high school.

Day 48

Erin and Beth rolled out of bed at, like, 10:30am - which is ridiculous for both of them. (They never sleep past 9:00am, whereas Grosland has been known to sleep until 2:00pm.) Beth ran off to campus for a botany study group; that's code for "a bunch of students walking around, trying to identify every tree they pass by." Erin played Dragon Age - SURPRISE!!

Grosland was still in Springville with her family. She went to the Art City Days parade, where she watched a bunch of marching bands, people on horses, karate academies, roller derby women, fire trucks, and pretty girls on colorful floats. Then she and her family went to the carnival, to feast on the world-famous Art City Day scones.

And whom should she meet in the scone line but Beth and Erin! AND the internationally acclaimed redhead, Miss Aubrey Devereaux. They ate scones and drank limeade and talked about the rules of abbreviation. (For example, you can use the word "Barbecue," or the abbreviation "BBQ," but the shortened word "Bar-B-Q" is completely unacceptable.) Once the limeade was gone and everyone was full of honey buttery goodness, they parted ways again.

BUT Beth joined Grosland and family for fireworks this very night! Greg the Stouthearted was also in attendance. They sat on a wall and watched things explode in a good, American fashion. Then Beth went to her parent's house to spend the night, and Stouthearted Greg generously offered Grosland a ride back to her apartment.

Ooh! AND he offered all three Jareth Chroniclers some delicious Canadian chocolate bars. Thanks, Canadian Greg!

Day 47

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH

HWHHHOOOOOOO lives in a pineapple under the sea?!?!?!

BETH AND ERIN

PUnch drunk and nerdy and porous are we?

BETH AND ERIN

If nautical nonsense be something you wish...

BETH AND ERIN

Then prepare to listen to us rant about DRAGON AGE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!  WE did NOT spend the last... extra... hour... watching... youtube clips from the game....

Beth and Erin
Beth and Erin
Beth and Erin

Beth aaannddd ERIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!  HAHAHAHA!

*noseflute*

He he.  Today we learned about Odinsleep... He he...

We're going to... Bethsleep and Erinsleep...

Day 46

Nothing really happened today... *sigh* ...

Y'know what? NO! Today was NOT boring! All SORTS of crazy things happened today!

When we last left our heroes, they were dangling over the edge of a cliff, left there to die by the evil Doctor Villain as he left to unleash his ultimate weapon -- the boredom ray-- on the world. Fortunately for them, Beth's utility belt came pre-equipped with an anti-gravity button for just such circumstances. They emerged at the top of the cliff and headed into the forest, searching for the secret entrance to Doctor Villain's secret villain hideout. Using the talent gifted to her by the forest guardian, Erin called upon the woodland creatures for aid. They arrived -- a flock of sparrows, two deer, a fox, and a bear -- and told Erin that it totally wasn't worth it to go after Doctor Villain anyway, since he's totally lame and his plans never work anyway. Erin relayed this message to the other two, who nodded in agreement and abandoned their search. Then they went off to play laser tag with the bear and his buddies from college. Turns out bears are way into laser tag, and their dens are all underground arenas. Erin, Gros, and Beth lost miserably to the bears, but the defeat was quickly forgotten when Gros challenged the leader of the bears to an arm-wrestling match to win back their honor. She won, of course, and the trio all high fived, and then high fived the bears, and then they all went out for frozen yogurt.

Day 45

Let it first be known that Erin is completely out of her mind with a cold and should not be typing this. That said:

TODAY Grosland was productive. She worked on applications and then went and cleaned a house for money. Also, about five seconds ago, she rolled backward off the couche (going to leave that there because... Just because.) and then she and Beth tried to climb the walls in the hallway.

Erin spent the day on the couch, coughing her lungs up and playing Dragon Age 2. Today she screwed up very badly and then had to slaughter an entire clan of elves. It was very depressing, and, being very delirious, she cried because it was the same clan that her character from Dragon Age: Origins came from. It was kind of a pathetic day for her.

Beth did the usual school and work BUT THEN she took the evening off and she and Erin did nothing. Then her brother, Andrew, came by cause he was bored and they had a grand old time. Talking. About things. Funny things.

And then Erin fell asleep multiple times while writing the post AGAIN, and brought it to a hasty conclusion so she could go to bed. Tra. La. LA!

Day 44

Today Beth went to the doctor. And Erin sat and pathetically coughed from the couch. And Gros was productive. She stopped being productive at 2. And there was a guy outside with Alist-hair. Which Beth is starting to dislike. But that's ok, cuz he is actually attractive. Beth had blood drawn for the first time. She is so proud. :D And Erin is still sick. And Gros is awesome as can be. And then we watched 21 Jump Street. And then we played Dragon Age 2. Pathetic.

Beth resisted the urge to make this a run-on sentence, because Gros would glare vehemently at her from the other room.

Day 42

FHE tonight. We played Capture the Flag with nylon balls of flour as paintball-esque weapons. It was epic, to say the least. Grosland took several shots to the face/teeth whilst Erin developed a habit of falling to her knees in surrender when hit. (Responsible Beth, sadly, was not there. She was at a work meeting.)

The best thing about today was that we realized that we really have friends in the ward. YAY! We had a great time with Matt, Andrew the Grey, Andrew the White, David, and Javid (pronounced "JA" - as in Jack - "vid"), Phil, Garrett, Brittany, and of course Brother Barlow. AND David taught Gros and Erin the 181st Ward's Birthday Song:

Happy Birthday to you! (clap clap)
It takes me back to those good old days.
Happy Birthday to you! (clap clap)
You sure grew out of your baby ways.
Happy Birthday to you! (clap clap)
It's your birthday, wish you many more;
Health and wealth and FRIENDS BY THE SCORE!
Cut the cake and let's eat some more.
Happy Birthday to you! (clap clap)

It is considerably more awesome than just singing the boring normal version. Plus, it's upbeat and involves fist-pumping. What's not to like?

The 181st Ward is bomb. Just so you know.

Day 41

Hurray for another week at the 181st Young Single Adult ward!

...Actually, Grosland was the only one who went. Again. Poor Erin was down-and-out with her cold, and Beth, of course, is going to her home ward while she works on her mission papers. (She's the Primary Pianist right now, and keeps bursting into choruses of "SCRIIIIIIPTURE POWER! Keeps me safe from SIIIN!") But Grosland got to go, and it was much fun, as usual.

Beth DID return in time for the ward "Break the Fast." She and Gros went (rather cautiously, as they had never been to one of these before) and found out that it is a FANTASTIC idea. They had lasagna, many casseroles, spaghetti, grilled chicken, and all sorts of baked goods. Among those baked goods was a chocolate birthday cake, because tomorrow is Bishop Bourne's birthday! (He is a capital fellow, and well deserving of cakes and songs.) We have decided to bring manly muffins to the next Break the Fast, because this time we were rather unprepared, and ended up bringing a box of Ritz crackers.

Ward Prayer was great. (Seriously, it's impossible to convey through words just how awesome this ward is. Every activity is a party, including and especially ward prayer.) They've finally finished construction on the pool here, so it's been announced that we'll be having lots of grill/barbecue parties in the coming summer days. Also soccer games, Ultimate Frisbee, and a much-anticipated Toga Party. (We're not really sure how that's going to work, what with us being Mormon and all, but it sounds like fun anyway.)

Gros has switched back and forth from third-person to first-person, so she's going to end this post now - before she gets kicked out of the English major club. (They revoke your grammar-bat privileges. It's truly horrible.)

Day 40

Today was interesting, mostly because we were all delirious from the combined effects of slumber party hangover, waking up too early, and having nasty colds.

Gros was horribly disfigured today in an incident in which her family's cat jumped on her face while she was sleeping on the couch. There was blood everywhere and it was terrible and it's probably going to leave a huge scar and she's going to have to wear a mask like the Phantom of the Opera for the rest of her days... Or maybe she just got a small cut on her forehead. Whichever version you like better.

Beth learned to snap today. She was at work barking orders at people (like a boss!) when she accidentally snapped her fingers. She had never ever been able to do it before. It was a miracle.

Erin got herself dragged to the mall by a high school friend, and was reminded painfully (over the course of about four hours) of how she is apparently not an actual girl because shopping makes her want to claw her face off.

Eventually they all met up back at the apartment, mumbled a few incoherent things at each other, and then shambled off to bed.

Day 39

Tonight is the Relief Society sleepover at our bishop's house. (WHaaat?) We're excited for such a ridiculously awesome event. :D

They announced this activity in a combined meeting - meaning that the priesthood brethren got all giggly and sneaky-looks, which the Bishop must have anticipated - so we've come to determine that it's a big setup. I don't know whether to expect the scene from Mamma Mia (Mormon style):

or from 7 Brides for 7 Brothers...

or even something from Pirates of Penzance. (This would be awesome, actually. Alas.)

In anycase, tonight should have been a musical. But I guess we'll see. Wish us luck at being social! :)

Day 38

Today ended with strawberry milk. :)

And this:

Day 37

As girls, we have spent most of our lives complaining about how dumb and oblivious boys are. It's basically all there is for girls to talk about in high school. However, today Erin got to see what it's like to deal with girls from the guy's point of view. See, Erin is currently on her third playthrough of Dragon Age: Origins, this time playing as a dashing young man called James. James is deeply in love with Morrigan.

 ...even though she is mean and gets angry at him whenever he mentions love... He is very devoted to her, and would do just about anything for her. Then, of course, there is Leliana.

James looks after her, and loves her like a sister. He often brings back little trinkets from his travels for her, and checks up on her to make sure she's doing alright.
Today Morrigan approached James to tell him that she was not okay with him dating Leliana behind her back. James was very confused, and told her that he was NOT dating Leliana, but that he'd "break it off" with her anyway if it would make Morrigan feel better. When he spoke to Leliana, she seemed under the impression that they had been in some sort of romantic relationship, and seemed very upset that he was "breaking up" with her. Bewildered, James tried to respond in a way that would not upset her more. He just nodded and confirmed her inquiries that Morrigan was his one and only. She seemed understanding enough...
Leliana Disapproves -15

"WHAT?! FIFTEEN?! Gaw! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to lead you on, I was only trying to be nice! Why are women so confusing?!" Erin cried out in frustration. Gros gave her an odd look from the other couch. Erin looked back at her. "I think I kinda understand men now... We should probably go apologize to them for calling them oblivious morons all those times..."

Aaaaaand that's what Erin did today. She's a depressing nerd, so we're going to move past her now.

This evening we went to meet up with some friends from high school who had organized a game of Ultimate Frisbee. Grosland was the only one who played. Erin and Beth sat off to the side like losers, then went to go explore the forest for a bit, then came back and sat off to the side like losers some more. Grosland, however, owned the game and everyone playing it with her impressive and violent skills. She won the attention of the many fine young men there with her frisbee finesse, and scored many a point for her team. The best part was the spectacular dive Gros performed as she leapt for the frisbee. She landed full on her stomach and skidded, then leapt right back up and kept running. Even though she didn't catch the frisbee, her display was truly worthy of applause. At least Erin and Beth thought so, as they watched from their grassy patch of lame. Grosland's team won, of course.

And then they came home. And Erin passed out on the couch in the middle of writing this post and is only now dragging her carcass to bed... Good NIGHT

Day 36

Gros finally checked her grades from last semester.

Gros finished Dragon Age.

Erin spent all day working on one blog post. And her nephews came over. It was adventurous.

"Why do you live here?" "Why is your house so small?" "Why is she dead?" "Why does he have long hair?" "Did she turn them to ice?" "Is that the bad guy?" "Nuh uh, he's a dragon." "Why do you have so many plants?" "Stop singing!" "NO SINGING unless you sing frosty the snowman!"

So they sang frosty the snowman.

Beth did nothing different than last Tuesday.

Day 35

Happy Memorial Day.

We celebrated Memorial Day by visiting the Provo Cemetery. We wandered around for a while, reading the names and dates on the gravestones. There were some happy ones, where old couples were buried together (presumedly having lived long, glorious lives); and there were some sad little ones, for lost children, tombstones that had only one date written upon them. It was a quiet time, a time to think about life and death and love. A time to remember.

It was not all we did today, however. Grosland got that job at the lake (*much rejoicing*) so today she filled out a lot of state employee paperwork and ordered her Park Ranger Aide uniform (*geeky grin*). Beth didn't have to work or go to school today, so she did other responsible things, like cleaning the apartment. Erin put gas in her car (since she keeps having to give Grosland rides) and did some work on her other blog. All in all, a good afternoon.

Since it's Monday, that means we had Family Home Evening again. Only, this time, it was at OUR apartment! (We had some fun times explaining to people our decorations: "Yes, that's a real raccoon head. His name is Marmalade;" "The lava lamp is Grosland's. Do you like it?" and "Of course our TV is wearing a hat!") We played Do You Love Your Neighbor? and learned lots of things about our family. For instance - we have two members of our family who have gone streaking; every single member of our family has seen Monty Python; Grosland is the only member of the family who still hasn't had her first kiss; half the guys in our family speak French; and none of us is from the East Coast. Also, we met our fake mom's mistress. (She's engaged. Our fake dad likes to call her on it a lot.)

This chronicle entry would not be complete without describing Beth's phone difficulties, which came to an amusing climax today. Here is the story:

Beth is a phone loser. She loses her phone ALL THE TIME. About ten days ago, Beth lost her phone for good. She called it, she searched every place she'd been in months, but it was not to be found. After almost a week, she finally gave up and ordered a new phone (well, it's the same model, but it's new . . . you know what I mean). She got her new phone over the weekend, and by Sunday night - guess what? It was lost too. (*Erin and Grosland laugh exasperatedly*) We spent part of this morning retracing Beth's steps in Springville to see if we could find it, but to no avail. Finally, Erin found it under the driver's seat in Beth's car. Hurray! Beth was pleased, until she tried using her phone to text/call some people and it told her that her service was cancelled. She was really confused for a moment before she realized:

It was her old phone. It had been under the driver's seat the entire time.

O_o

Grosland and Erin find it rather amusing. Beth seems unsure whether to laugh or cry. (Read her telling of the story here.) She re-activated the service on her phone, so it is happily working now. She'll be able to return the replacement phone she bought and get her $50 back.

That is, if she ever finds it.